This is a House of Funny


dimanche, octobre 20, 2002

Birthday Post part I: “It doesn’t get any better…”

This morning (SHIT, now it’s yesterday morning….) I woke up and I was twenty…. How does this happen????????????????????????????????

This weekend was….…. I don’t know….

Jordan Duff and Josh Anderson visited. It felt like they never left. I missed them, I miss them, they’re great, they’re funny, and of course their presence only made me miss Chelsea, and Scott, and Austin, and Devin, and Marin, and maybe even Kai, and of course I laughed hysterically and naturally their visit was the best birthday present a guy could get.

But I realized something that is now just starting to dawn on me.

Let me introduce you around, guys
This is my friend Tieg
This is my friend Tommy
This is my friend Jenn
This is my friend Remi
This is my friend Flim
This is my friend Barbara
This is my friend Stewf
This is my friend Kit
This is my friend Rocky
This is my friend Cory
This is my friend Camilla
This is my friend John
This is my friend Pickles
This is my friend Emily
This is my friend Stephanie (HAPPY BIRFDAY!!!!)


I feel blessed.

I want to have friends like these all over the country.

I want to have friends like these all over the fucking world.

I love you guys.

Birthday Post Part II: (One bad apple……)

Curtain opens at a birthday party setting

No-Name Girl: Hey Jordan, I fucked your brother

Jordan: Good for you.

:::Ten Minutes Later:::

No-Name Girl: Hey Jordan, I fucked your brother.

Jordan: Okay….

No-Name Girl: This was 6 years ago, you understand….

Jordan: Uh-huh.

No-Name Girl: Happy birthday, by the way!

Jordan: Thanks.

:::Fifteen Minutes Later:::

Jordan sits on a chair, No-Name Girl sits on Jordan’s lap and wraps her arms around him

No-Name Girl: Your brother is such a good kisser.

Jordan: Well, you know, it runs in the family…

No-Name Girl: giggles I don’t want to find out….

Jordan: ….. Get off my fucking lap…..

Jordan walks away to talk to much cooler people.


I just want to say this…. I don’t like when people don’t respect me. I ESPECIALLY do not like it when people (by people, I mean girls) don’t respect me in a sexual context.

Reminds me of high school, really. If you were attractive, girls would make jokes about fucking you. If you were not attractive, they would make jokes about not fucking you.

I’m outta here…

posted by Harrison 11:43 PM

dimanche, juillet 28, 2002


Ever get the feeling life is quickly passing you by?

I’ve been getting the feeling lately that everyone else is out enjoying life and then telling me about it. I feel like the guy in the Apollo XI who stayed in the space shuttle while Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong frolicked around amongst space dust. Nobody remembers that guy’s name. It was Michael Collins in case you were curious.
It’s not that I mind, but I’ve been hearing about my friends’ problems for years. When these are problems that you actually envy, hearing about these friends talk about them tends to get a bit wearing on the nerves. “Hey, Mike the sight from the moon is so breathtakingly amazing and everything, but I got these fucking space rocks in my boots, and they’re really pissing me off. Hey, let me tell you about them for four and a half hours.” Shit, people, will you stop fucking bitching about how terrible your boy/girl – friends are. At least you have actual memories of holding these people in your arms in the middle of the night, listening to Chopin and getting kissed in places you never knew existed. I’ve only had my imagination to keep me warm at night. Speak not to me of rude lovers, for I have heard it all before. I had one actual date in High School. If your definition is a bit more strict than mine, you could still consider me a virgin. I’ve gotten a crush on every semi-attractive girl I’ve ever seen in my life since middle school. At the least, these last for a day, but some have lasted for years.

…Dude, I’m such an asshole….

I shouldn’t be thinking these things. I’ve been everyone’s trusted Jordan for years and years, why should I change my ways now? I used to be such a great shoulder to cry on. What the hell is wrong with me? I am complaining about how much people complain.

“Jordan, he finally said he loved me… Isn’t that great?”

“Eh, I guess I’m just not that attracted to her.”

“Jordan, it just wouldn’t be the same, you know?”

“What do you mean by ‘hang out?’”

“What do you mean by that, darling?”

“I just don’t know what’s wrong with me, I feel like shit.”

“Thanks for listening to me bitch, Jordan.”

“What am I going to do, Jordan?”

Damn you people, I would kill to have your tears!!!!!

BTW: This is a tip of the tip of the iceberg of things that have been bothering me as of late. Goodnight.


posted by Harrison 1:56 AM

jeudi, juillet 25, 2002

DDR will render me homeless....

Jenn on Saturday: Jordan, we MUST find an apartment. I have no idea where to put my stuff. I'LL DIE IF WE DON'T FIND A PLACE SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jordan on Saturday: Ok...

Jordan on Thursday: So, are we going to look for apartments today?

Jenn on Thursday: No I'm sorry I can't I'm a DDR slave.

That's right, SLAVE!!! DDR SLAVE!!! ARRRGGGHGHhhhhhghhghiew09gj-q43hgrehdvhnckxl *choke*

*runs off to weep in a corner*

-- o_0

Current Mood: Surly and Bitter (not really)
Current Music: What do you think>? Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots!!!!
posted by Harrison 7:29 PM

mardi, juillet 23, 2002

Jordan's fall semester schedule!!!

Diversity In Amer Lit Enrolled
M,W,F 09:40 AM-10:30 AM LNCO 1100

Crit Intro To Lit Forms Enrolled
T,H 09:10 AM-10:30 AM BU C 303

Writing for New Media Enrolled
M,W,F 10:45 AM-11:35 AM M LI 1705B

Intrm Algebra Enrolled
T,H 06:00 PM-07:30 PM HEB 2004

"H" means Thursday, by the way. Will add Yoga and some Triathlon Training once I clear some of the red tape. Stupid red tape.


posted by Harrison 11:41 PM

lundi, juillet 22, 2002

Jordan would like to apolgize for the various mistakes in his Oregon post blog. He is sorry. He is especially sorry that he is too damn lazy to make the necisary(sp!!!) changes in this post. Jordan, however, has great confidence that the readers of his blog are smart enought to realize where the mistakes are and where they aren't. Thank you, and goodnight.


posted by Harrison 5:19 PM

dimanche, juillet 21, 2002

Oregon Trip, part II: The Reckoning.

Thursday: Maxed and relaxed the whole day, recovering from the long-ass voyage. Jamie, the girl who’s house we were staying at came home from home around 5:30 pm or so. We got in at 3:30 pm. Somehow we built the motivation to get in Jamie’s Volvo (gotta love those Volvos) and saw the sights. Correction: Chris saw the sights, I mainly slept in the back seat with my mouth wide open and snoring like crazy and whatnot. Jamie and Chris told me that people could actually see me from the sidewalks and pointed and laughed! Somehow, I wasn’t embarrassed.

We went back to Jamie’s crib and ate and chatted up a storm. Then we watched a fine, FINE film, Wet Hot American Summer. A movie I highly recommend you go out and watch right now. Then we slept until the end of the Bush Administration.

Friday: Slept in until we could sleep in no more. We decided to go to the Kool ‘n’ The Gang Concert that night at the “A Taste of Beaverton” festival (and yes, the fact that the town is called Beaverton, in the Beaver State, and we were all tasting it, and the fact that Jamie’s old High School, Beaverton High School, were called the Beavers was pointed out many, many times.) Then we ate food and went swimming until Jamie got in. She went swimming as well and a few of her friends came by and they went swimming, and then we stopped swimming.

We then drove to Beaverton. On the way there, we stopped at Jamie’s old High School hotspot, Courtside Pizza, which she described as “like Max’s from Saved by the Bell, everyone I know goes here.” When we arrived, disaster struck when Jamie went into the restroom to replace her contacts. She came back out a full fifteen minutes later, her face red with tears running down it. It seems one of the lenses BROKE AND A SHARD OF CONTACT LENS LODGED ITSELF INTO HER EYELID!!!!! And THAT’S why I will never ever get contact lenses. They just ain’t worth the risk.

Fortunately (not “fortunately” really, more like million-to-one strange coincidence,) Jamie’s best friend’s Dad happened to be the head of the biggest Eye Surgery hospital in Oregon. He was able to set up a VERY QUICK MINOR EYE SURGERY appointment. The guy who performed the eye surgery was a nice, tall gentleman, who probably gets laid a lot. And then we went to Kool ‘n’ the Gang. The good news was that we were able to get in for free. The bad news was we arrived just in time for the encore, which was “Celebrate” (as in “Ceeeeelebrate good times…. COME ON!!!!”) After that, we went to a swank café, back to Jamie’s. Sleep.

Saturday: SHOWTIME!!! Naturally we leave approximately ninety minutes late. I fall asleep during most of the drive, much to the annoyance of Chris and Jamie. I wake up only to see a kick ass waterfall and to turn of the alarm on my watch, once again, to the annoyance of the two drivers. We called Devin and my Dad from Jamie’s cell phone. Devin was a lot more fun to talk to.

Stop at some small town in Washington. I forget the name. More delays. Everyone hates Chris.

About fifteen minutes before we arrive at the show, (arriving roughly ninety minutes late) Jamie makes some comment about apologizing for arriving late and whatnot, and how it felt like we were having a repeat of the Kool ‘n’ The Gang delays of last night. I make the comment “It’s cool Jamie, I’m happy just to be making this trip in the first place.” Then naturally I follow that up with “As long as I see Tenacious D, I should be okay.”

For those of you who don’t know, which is probably all but three of you, Endfest is an annual festival wrought upon by the biggest, baddest radio station in Seattle, 107.7 The End. This is the same radio station the chiggers at Real World Seattle worked at. Anyway, the festivities are pretty massive. Its essentially Woodstock, except with out the sexual assault. The location is The Gorge, at George, George Washington. Yes, it is a gorge, and yes, it is by the city of George in the state of Washington. And it’s fucking beautiful. The “parking lot” was this long field like something out of the movie Toys. We parked I’d say about a quarter of a mile from the actual concert. Upon opening the front door, I hear Jack Black himself in mid-croon; “Wonderboooooooooooooooooooooooyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.”

“ShitShitAssFuckShitShitFuck!” I thought to myself.

I hoisted this big-ass duffel bag on my shoulders and ran to the source of the singing. I mentally screamed at myself for not being in shape enough (after about thirty seconds of running… I wasn’t running anymore.) When we got the ticket booth, the guy there almost turned us right back around because of the big-ass duffel bag. “Sorry, no bags bigger than a backpack… You’ll have to take that back.” We didn’t know what to do. Normally in this kind of situation, I wouldn’t hesitate to take the duffel bag back to the car… But… but…. I … miiiiiiiiissssiiiiiiinnnngggg the Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

I opened the bag and gestured at it wildly. “It’s just blankets and pillows for when it gets dark.” I wanted to say “See, no bombs, no 10-ton nuclear missiles….. PLEEEEEEEZZEEEEEEEE!!” But I figure that would have only made the guy more suspicious. “Okay, go ahead.” My New Lord and Personal Savior said, waving us along.

I rehoisted the duffel bag on my back and made my way thru the crowd, following the sound of Sir Jack of Black and Kage, the Kick-ass-Duke.

Jack Black: I want you all to look around at the all the wonderous beauty that’s around you, and know now that this once belonged to the almighty Sasquatch!!

Jordan Scrivner: “Huff huff puff huff SAAAASSSSAAFRASSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Huff huff, oh god, my heart.”

Tenacious D…. Boy what a band! How a man in his thirties and a man in his forties can rock that hard with two acoustic guitars and love handles is beyond me. They deserve to be as popular as they are, no doubt.

Tenacious D songs played:

Kilebasa Sausage (we completely missed it)

Wonderboy (we missed 99% of it)


Dio (Dio was the original lead singer of Black Sabbath. JB went on a tangent about how he was far superior, even though he doesn’t have his own TV show.)

The Road (Certainly not the best D song, but it works wonders live and within the context.)

Then Jables had a little interlude with the “Sexaboom,” which was a $9.95 toy saxaphone probably bought at K-mart. A stagehand brought it out on a black velvet pillow. Jack played some notes on it, acted like he just went thru a traumatic esperience and hilarity ensued.

Fuck Her Gently

Sex Supreme (in the middle of which Jack did his “riggi-bi-bip-bi-doo-do-doo” thingie that he does in the middle of another song “Cosmic Shame”)

Tribute (Click link to hear the version we heard.)

Jack Black did this other funny thing. “I bet you’re all here to see Dave Grohl, huh? Yeah, well I got a surprise for you all… DAVE GROHL LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, DAVE--- JUST KIDDING, he’s not here! Sorry, dudes!!” It was totally convincing too, because there was a big ass drum set right behind them, apparently set up for no reason what so ever. Of course, I am one hundred percent happy that Dave Grohl didn’t show up. I’m happy to see that the D, despite their tremendous success and rockandrollsexgod status, are still “keepin’ it real.”

Jack Black: On lead vocals… my bro, Kyle Gass… And on drums…

Kyle Gass: No one.

Jack: On synthesizer…

Kyle: No one.

Jack: On tambourine?

Kyle: Uh uh.

Jack: On turntables?

Kyle: Nope.

Jack: But on lead vocals… That’s right! Me, the Jack! Rungagagaagggaggagggao!!!!

Obviously it’s pretty hard to express just how funny these guys are on paper. You just need to see them. Half of their humor is just in their appearance. After the D, I mainly wandered around the festival looking at stuff. There was a booth by the smaller stage where the lesser known bands were playing. At this booth, there were allotted times in which certain bands were going to be autographing various stuff. My ears perked up. Unfortunats… We had missed the D by a while and the Strokes were apparently too cool for autographs. Ah well. Another booth was selling Tenacious D memorabilia. I was going to buy a T-shirt, but it was a bit over my budget. So I bought a Tenacious D bottle opener and a T. D bumper sticker for D-fan extrodinaire Devin Sheridan. They also had an X-box station which I avoided like the plague. “Now Jordan, you didn’t drive over a thousand miles to play X-box, dammit.” Not knowing what else to do, I watched the other bands playing.

Our Lady Peace and Hot Rod Circuit….. we missed them, darn. Apparently, the guy from Our Lady Peace threw his back out, which may explain why the D seemed to start a little early.

Vendetta Red …… Can’t say I dug their music. But they were HIGH ENERGY. Which I appreciate.

Jimmy Eat World …. Eh… I kinda got up to walk around during their set. Their sound system was kind of bad... Well, at least they did play that one song from them I kinda like.


STROKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, first of all The End did this contest thingie where one lucky fan got to announce their favorite band before they got on (Which makes me resent the fact we got their late even more, but, eh.) But this total DOOFUS comes on to announce The Strokes. I swear to shit this is what he says:

“Ok everyone, I’m going to have a mental picture of this so…. Show me your tits!!! Here are the Strokes!”

Me, Chris, and Jamie: “Oh my god, what a dork.”

I’d have to say, I don’t know who was funnier, Jullian Casablancas of the Strokes or Jack Black of Tenacious D. Jullian was DRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUNNNKKKKKKK.

Quotes from J. Cassablancas.

“Wow, isn’t this a beautiful place. I love what the white man has done to the place! This song’s called Someday.”

“HELLLLOOOO SEATTLE….. What!? Three hours from Seattle!? Whatthefuckever, man, this song’s called Last Nite!”

(Towards the end of their set) “Well, I guess that’s it for us man… we’re outta here. What? Do we have enough time for one more….. Yeaaahhhh FUCK YOOOOUUUU!!!! This one’s called Hard To Explain”

If I had a nickel for every time Jullian stumbled on the stage, I would probably have three nickels. I was amazed he seemed to have the song set memorized.

After The Strokes, it was back to waitin’. Then came…

Dashboard Confessional… Ok, out of respect for Devin, I’m not going to go into how…. Ugh, nevermind. Sorry Devin… Just, just sorry……… weeps

Cypress Hill… Man, I need to get into these guys some more. They put on a great show. I just remember the guy with the upright bass lifting it up straight over his head at the very beginning and the cloud of smoke that appeared over the crowd all throughout their set. But, I kind of got the nagging feeling we were just watching the Hill out of politeness.

Hoobastank and Papa Roach…. Fortunately these guys were at the very end. Like they were headlinging or something. WE DID NOT STAY TO SEE THIS!!!

Roegon Trip: part III : The Wraith of Grant (or, Adventures in Seattle)

After the show, or at least the part of the show that was worth seeing, we all hopped in the car and drove to Jamie’s friend Dan’s frat house, Phi Delta Theta. I remember PDT because it matches with the phrase Poor Dumb Thomas.

Flash forward for a bit to the middle of the night when Me, Jamie, Dan, Chris, and this heavy-set John Belushi from Animal House character named Grant are on the roof of Phi Delta Theta house, drunk as fucks. Let me set the scene for you: It’s about 1:30 in the morning, everyone on the roof are drunk off of whatever beer was readily available and the experiences of earlier today. On the third story roof of this said frat, there are a bunch of chairs. Some of them are the kind you would see in a normal classroom setting (hmm, wonder where they got THOSE from?) and some are typical lawn chairs. Looking over the edge of the frat house (no safety fences, mind you.) there are some random cars on the parking lot below.

Me: Hey, what if you threw these chairs off the roof and hit those cars. That would be crazy.

(Grant doesn not even say word, he just takes one of the school chairs and….. CHUCK! Bounce….bu-bounce bounce bounce BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The chair directly hits the front driver’s side door of a station wagon.)

Jordan: Hooollllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee shit!

Grant, Dan, and I throw a few more chairs off the roof. None hit anymore cars below, or at least as I remember. Eventually we attract the attention of some people down below.

People Down Below: Hey! What’s going on up there!?

Grant: I’m doing your Mom you pasty-ass fucking bitch ass fuck!! Why don’t you take your head, stick it in between your legs, and eat your own asshole!!!!!!!!!!

Jordan: Yeah, what he said.

People Down Below: Hey, could you keep it down a little bit.

Jordan: Suck my dick you fucking bitch cunt nose ass crack dookie living ass shit fucker cum-guzzling bitch!!!!

People Down Below: Hey—

Dan: God dammit, will you shut the fuck up you cock pulling whore motherfucker!

Jordan: Sorry, sir, he has tourette’s!

And a fun time was had by all.

chomsky69 (12:26:00 AM): did i fuck up anything else?
Cheeseness (12:26:25 AM): wait
Cheeseness (12:29:34 AM): you didn't talk about the haunted door in the frat house befoer we went to bed
chomsky69 (12:29:48 AM): oh right
chomsky69 (12:29:51 AM): i forgot

We woke up the following day to a beautiful Seattle morn. Or, at least a beautiful Noon. As the case may be. And then I got locked out of the dorm, but we won’t go into that story here. I saw the above mentioned station wagon in question though, and sure enough, there was a nice, quarter-sized dent on the front door. After we got our shit in gear, the Rooftop Drunkards, sans Grant, went to this delightful little Asian food place and ate our heart's content and took a picture of a guy with a mullet. Then we saw the sights of Seattle.

If you went to on Sunday, June 23rd at 1:12 pm pacific time, you could have seen me. I was right at the middle of that photo.

Other than the concert, and throwing chairs off the roof of PDT, the highlight of the entire trip to Oregon came when we visited Market Square. Market Square, essentially what it sounds like, is a congregation of various small businesses selling thier wares and whatnot as you walk down the street. I heard they filmed scenes of Sleepless in Seattle there. The place was amazing. It was frustrating at the same time too, because I saw about 12-15 oppritunities to get a good souvenier, but I could not due to lack of money. URGH! Yes that’s right… URGH!

Back to Oregon… Saw a kick-ass rainbow.

We met Jamie’s friend Kelsey, who Jamie claimed was exactly like her personality-wise, and I for one was not disappointed. Er, that’s a compliment, mind you.

Back to Jamie’s house to play Let’s Get Personal, this old board game from the sixties that provided a nonstop cavalcade of hilarity. But before we played, I had to take a shower… BAD! Y’know, considering the last shower I took was the THE DAY I GOT TO OREGON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MONDAAAAY: Chris had never seen Good Will Hunting and we were talking about it on the way up here.We watched it on DVD, and then Chris and I wanted to see it with Director’s Commentary. Jamie was annoyed that we “didn’t do anything” today, but I think Chris and I agreed that that is pretty much what we wanted. We ate at Jamie’s house and then went to this deserty place with Kelsey. Then we visited beautiful _____________ bridge (Portland IS the City of Bridges ya know) and chatted for a spell. Then Kelsey became our lord and personal savior when she let us borrow $175 for the trip back to Vegas. After massive amounts of hugging of Kelsey, we went back to Jamie’s, chatted some more, and slept.

Part IV: The Road Home

TUESDAY: Got up bright and early for the long trip back. We saw the amazing Oregon Vortex, which is a pretty fucked up place to visit. I’ll let it’s website speak for itself. I was skeptical at first, but man, that place is craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy.
I don’t know.

Interesting stuff about the Oregon Vortex:

1. It’s a big magnetic field.

2. It’s supposedly the exact same thing as the Bermuda Triangle.

3. Supposedly, the position of these ‘vortices’ on Earth are the exact same relative positions as the vortices on other planets in our solar system.

4. According to our tour guide, Oppenheimer once visited the Oregon Vortex, and that Einstein theorized (haven’t you heard Einstein’s Theory of the Oregon Vortex yet?) that the vortex actually mimics a black hole, and as you get further and further into the vortex, your molecules actually come close together and you, along with everyone else, actually lose mass.

Writing these now makes it sound like a bunch of hooey. There’s really no way to describe it, I guess, you’ll just have to see if for yourself.

The drive back to Vegas had some interesting moments in it post-vortex. Since we got pulled over on the way to Portland, we theorized the Oregon police were inheritantly “bitches” and that we should drive normally under the speed limit until we hit California, at which time, we could gun it the rest of the way and no one in Cali would care. We weren’t in California fifteen minutes when we got pulled and Chris got ticket number 2. The cop who pulled us wasn’t exactly the brightest tool in the crayon box.

Cop: So, you’re from Burbank, eh?

Chris: Uh, yeah.

Cop: Yeah, I used to work over in Southern California… Bogus Burbank, Awful Anaheim… I can’t think of anything that rhymes with Lawndale, idontknow, Lousy Lawndale…

At that moment, I would have given ANYTHING to day to this cop. “Uhmm, sir, that’s an alliteration, not a rhyme scheme. I see you were sick the day they taught that in English class.” And then I would have probably commented on his two front teeth, which were about three shades more brown than all his other teeth!! Of course, than he probably would have gone all Brooklyn Style on my ass.

When we got to Sacramento, we ran into this cool, tall, black guy who washed our windows. I didn’t want to jump into an assumption right off the bat, but it seemed pretty clear the guy was homeless.

Things that tipped me off:

1. The amount (or lack thereof) of teeth in his mouth.
2. The dirtyness of his shirt.
3. The fact that he was washing our windows!!!

So this guy was way cool, and he asked with we were brothers. “Nah, we’re not brothers.” “Naw, man.” He said. “We’re all brothers. And I ain’t just sayin’ that ‘cause I’m black. We are all brothers. All brothersd and sisters under God.”

I asked him if he wanted something from inside the store. This seemed to catch him a bit offgaurd. “I don’t know man… maybe a Mountain Dew, Code Red.” I went inside the store. Behind the counter was a my height Asian man in his mid-forties. I went to the back of the store and got two Code Reds. Stepping up to the counter, I tried to think of the most delicate way I could ask this question…

Me: Hey, that guy out there, washing our windows… Does that guy, uh, work here.

Middle-aged Asian Man (glanes out the window and throws me a half-smile): No, but, you know, life is hard.

I swear that’s what he said. I tried to think of a better response he could have possibley given. None came to mind. I went back to the black man.

Me (hands over the Code Red) : Here you go.

He: Man, I didn’t know you were offering to buy me something. Do you think I could get some of them Dorito’s Air Crisps?

I almost laughed. Despite the fact I was budgeting for the trip, there was no way I wasn’t going to buy this guy some air crisps. “What’s your name?” I asked, handing him the air crisps. He told me. I forgot it.

Fifteen minutes later, we almost slapped ourselves for forgetting to get a picture of the guy.

The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful, until the last our or so of driving. It’s a hard thing to doto drive for so long. Every thought it our mind was just to get there. To get back to my house and sleep forever. I began to get seriously afraid for my life at one point. Outside of Vegas is a two lane highway that seems to stretch out until forver.

Chris: I’m going to pass this Semi.

Me: I don’t think you should. If another car comes…

Chris: Dude, it’s the middle of the night. I’ll be able to see if another car comes.

You know when you hear a statement that flabbergasts you so much with it’s insane sense of logic, that you lose all hope of finding a decent respones? This was one of those moments. Of course, Chris tried to pass the car. Of course a car came barreling towards us. At one point, I was quite sure we were screwed. You know that moment when you get really nervous, and all the blood seems to run up and out of your legs and settles in you guts? Yeah, it was a lot like that. “Dude… Fuck….” These would have been my last words, if we hadn’t made it. Spoken like an overweight constipated middle-aged man.

The more tired Chris got, the farther away Vegas seemed to get. When we got there, literally within city limits, Chris drove on the shoulder for a few excruciatingly long seconds at about 85 miles an hour. Another time, a red light came on, and Chris wasn’t slowing down. “Red light…” I said “Red light!” “Huh!?” He slammed on the breaks. We stopped about thirty feet from the crosswalk. We probably looked like every other dirver in Vegas at this time of night.

At my house, I slept. When I got up to go to the bathroom at about 10:45, Chris was all dressed up and ready to make the (now very short seeming) trek back to L.A..

Me: You’re leaving? I thought we were going to hang out with Devin.

Chris: Yeah, I think I just want to go home.


Chris was definitely the hero of this story. He really put up with a lot to make this trip happen. I felt like such a chode during this trip because I couldn’t do any more to ease the load. God bless that man. Three cheers for Chris.

I spent the rest of the day recovering from the trip. After Chris left, I fell back asleep. I slept for a long time, and when I got tired of sleeping, I slept for a little bit longer. The next day, Jenn knocked on my door. See Jenn's June 30th post on for the rest of the story.


posted by Harrison 7:48 PM

vendredi, juillet 19, 2002

posted by Harrison 11:23 PM


I don't know why, but it's taking me forever to write the damn Oregon post. Hopefully, it should take me a few more days to write it. Of course, that's what I've been saying for the past few weeks... I guess I know now why it takes Scott so damn long to post his amazing 17 page opuseses (Opaie?). If you spend that much time on a blogpost, you want it to be absolutley perfect, which means it takes a decade to write a sentence. Also, when you've got a huge post in the works, you generally feel like it's physically impossible to post any other kind of post... But due to numerous fools IMing me to ask, "Why the hell haven't you posted, you bitch!!?!" I am back like a BK Broiler, baby. Er, not really. Heh. I like making these little posts better, so you prolly won't see another delay like the Oregon post again.

Anyway, another, slightly more significant reason I've been too damn busy to post is the whole trying to do three major things at once thing. 1. FINALLY getting a good grade in French. 2. Finding a job 3. Finding an appartment. The french thing is, uh, definitely going better than the last two semesters, heh heh. I just finished a job interview this morning that went pretty well, despite me being thiry-five minutes late when I thought I was only five minutes late. Jenn and I are going to look at appartments today. I told Clayton my intentions to move out on July 10, so that means I will move out around the 10th of August.

I've also made a new blogsite. This will mainly focus on my political writings that, if this blog is any indication, will never be updated, ever. No, but seriously, I am trying to get a job at the Daily Utah Chronicle (the U's college Newspaper.) The application requires that you submit in three sample works, and I will put those there.

That's actually all I can think of to write right now. I've just been so busy, and I have a sneaking suspicion I'm only going to get busier. The Oregon post will be worked on nonstop this weekend. I WILL GET IT DONE, I assure you. Last night I played basketball, and at one point I thought my kidneys were going to fall out of my belly.


ps. Oh yeah, ANYONE I KNOW FROM LAS VEGAS IS INVITED TO JOIN THE CHIGGERS ANONYMOUS MESSAGE BOARD on If you have trouble remembering the actual website, and you don't want to bookmark for some reason, just go on and type "Chiggers" in the search engine. The message board should be the only one you see. You'll have to register for ezboard to get it, and I highly recommend that you do. I see this message board being a genuine sounding board for nonstop inanity. (No, that's not a type-o.) Sorry Utah fuckers, you can't join!

pps. Something really funny.

ppps. Somthing really COOL (ugh, link doesnt work... Go to, and click on "You've got a Friend." When the second window pops up, click on "Cyberg's server" to viddy it. It's pretty amazing.
posted by Harrison 10:00 AM

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